Got shadow?  This page is a very important and very personal section of the Givemesome.love web site. It was first drafted and  published here on this blog in June of 2017, and it is still very much in-process and “under construction,” and it will probably always remain a work in process, as i continue to reflect, learn, and grow.  The precious protracted  process of  discovering and understanding my “shadow side” (Carl Jung called it “the unknown dark side of the personality”), has been an ongoing journey for me  for decades, since the late 20th Century.

Gratitude for Influence and Inspiration:
Four very special people initially guided me on to this sacred part of my journey of self-discovery.  These four teachers are my mother, Fredi,  plus two sweet and wise friends (Becky Stoner and Ann Shulgin), along with the well-known buddhist and mindfulness scholar, Jack Kornfield.  Fortunately, i somehow crossed paths with these people, and they inspired me to start learning about and to start looking deeper into the mysterious parts of me that i call my shadow, or my shadow side.

There have been many other important and highly-valued helpers along the way since then, as well, including some of my closest allies today, such as Erika, Linz, Kernel, and Flo.  In fact, there are too many magical and generous role models and guides to list here.  Some have even been animals (including my dog, Loyal), powerful plant spirits (such as Ayahuasca and Mescalito), and other medicine allies.  I have infinite gratitude for all of my teachers, past, present, and future!

Understanding and working with my shadow is a life-long journey, and i am in it for the long haul.  Dedication to the practice of asking, listening, looking, and learning gradually allows me to better recognize the important shadow aspects of my spirit and psyche, when it sneaks up on me (or tries to sneak in, when i am distracted or asleep).

“I tripped on my shadow and landed in the light.”      -La Laurrien

Can i have this dance?  Increasing my own shadow consciousness helps me to more gracefully “dance” with my personal “blind spots”, rather than letting them take me by surprise and thus potentially sabotage an important opportunity,  moment, goal, intention, etc.  This work is a lifelong dance/practice, and i feel i will always need plenty of learning and “tune ups” along the way, as i strive to be more graceful and humble.  The blind spots that the shadows inevitably cast will always be a part of me, so my intention is to practice identifying such surprise appearances, and thereby continue to deprogram myself.  With practice and dedication, i can often outsmart my shadow and catch myself, when i am on my game!

“This search has taken me deep into the farthest recesses of my being, into the repressed shadows and the hidden guilts, into the lost dreams and soft urgings of my gut, all on a journey to find the true me…”
 -Renee Jeffus

How can my personal shadow side(s) be described?   I wish there was a simple answer. It’s a long and risk-filled journey to get home.   My shadow is surely multifaceted, ever-evolving and ever-expanding, like all parts of me.  I am still chipping away at doing the work to ask the right questions, to find more answers, to hear the wisdom offered, and to know all parts of myself more and more intimately.   It is a deeply personal, contemplative, and spiritual quest, and after living in this body for over a half of a century, i am still trying to figure it out!  When i am fortunate enough to receive offerings of reflections about my shadow or my blind spots from partners, friends, family, mentors, medicines, counselors, etc., it is such a special blessing and i am deeply grateful.   I need lots of practice and as much feedback from caring observers.

“I’m gonna keep on trying, yeah yeah, with a little help from my friends”    -Lennon & McCartney

I have a good-sized list of shadow issues and blind spots to work on, and writing this page and naming my shadow issues is a very helpful and powerful part of the process.   Even the initial step of being honest and transparent with myself can be challenging.  Part of my shadow is surely a tendency since childhood to be lacking in integrity and transparency.  Although i have a clear and often-stated goal to be humble and graceful, i have been realizing more and more that i am very capable of behaving in ways that are neither.  Humility and grace don’t always come easily, because i have been programmed by a culture that is often the opposite…

“I have a lot to learn…”    -Munko

Some shadow challenges to work on balancing and deprogramming: privilege consciousness, self-righteousness, unbalanced ego, mindlessness, insensitivity, setting boundaries, respecting boundaries, addiction, laziness, slipping out of integrity, etc.

I can see that a big part of my unconscious “dark side” seems to come from some kind of forgetful inner child, who means well, but can sometimes act like a “spoiled brat”.  I did not consciously choose the highly  privileged life path i find myself on, but here i am.  I am very privileged in several ways, in this inherently unfair reality.  Our world is so unfair in so many ways, and that makes me very sad.  Being aware of this privilege is a crucial first step in understanding my shadow and my blind spots…

“I’ve been learning so much from my mistakes, that I am thinking about making a few more.”
                              -Dustin B.

Looking for Humility & Grace:  I am an able-bodied heterosexual wealthy white male living in a highly racist sexist homophobic hierarchical colonized  patriarchal rape culture society, that in many ways, is a living nightmare.  I am trying to avoid jumping onto the entitlement bandwagon, as i work on my goals to be humble and graceful…  And yet, i still find myself struggling with setting, seeing, understanding and respecting boundaries of both myself and other people- Oops!.  In fact, i have caused pain and suffering at times, when i have failed to be sensitive to and respectful of boundaries of others, including people i love and deeply respect.  I am making some progress in my abilities to pay attention, to listen, and to honor both obvious/stated, and more subtle/unspoken boundaries…

I pledge to continue to practice learning and growing in my personal challenge to be more mindful about my shadow sides and my blind spots, especially around the issues of privilege and boundaries.  I will work to deprogram myself and overcome the limitations of these parts of me.  I will strive to be of service to others and to the world.  My intention is to thrive in the most conscious mindful ways, and never at the expense of others.

I am learning to recognize, to accept, and to dance with my shadow, in its many forms.  Be careful! – I can fall into the shadow realms of self-righteousness, which certainly does not serve!  Self-love frees us up to love others and to RESPECT all ideas and perspectives, without limiting attachments to our own perspective.  Oops- Keep the holier than thou, know-it-all, and power tripping stuff OUT of my language, behaviors, and attitudes!

Humility and Grace are some of my best allies in this challenging work in this crazy world, where the programming and the shadow stuff is often blindingly insidious and dangerous.  It all comes back to LOVE, and when i approach any situation or person with plenty of love, my shadow will likely stay hidden out of sight, where it belongs.

WITH HUGE LOVE and RESPECT,   Munko

The New Masculine

He cleans up after himself.  He cleans up the planet.
He is a role model for young men.
He is rigorously honest and fiercely optimistic.
He holds himself accountable.
He knows what he feels.He knows how to cry and he lets it go.
He knows how to rage without hurting others.
He knows how to fear and how to keep moving.
He seeks self-mastery.
He has let go of childish shame.
He feels guilty when he’s done something wrong.
He is kind to men, kind to women, kind to children.
He teaches others how to be kind.
He says he’s sorry.
He stopped blaming women or his parents or men for his pain years ago.
He stopped letting his defenses ruin his relationships.
He stopped letting his penis run his life.
He has enough self-respect to tell the truth.
He creates intimacy and trust with his actions.
He has men that he trusts and that he turns to for support.
He knows how to roll with it.
He knows how to make it happen.
He is disciplined when he needs to be.
He is flexible when he needs to be.
He knows how to listen from the core of his being.
He’s not afraid to get dirty.
He’s ready to confront his own limitations.
He has high expectations for himself and for those he connects with.
He looks for ways to serve others.
He knows he is an individual.
He knows that we are all one.
He knows he is an animal and a part of nature.
He knows his spirit and his connection to something greater.
He knows that the future generations are watching his actions.
He builds communities where people are respected and valued.
He takes responsibility for himself and is also willing to be his brother’s keeper.
He knows his higher purpose.
He loves with fierceness.
He laughs with abandon, because he gets the joke.
This is the Mature Masculine – the New Warrior – The definition of masculinity for the 21st century. By no means is this list complete.